This is the wisdom that surfaced through my experience of life today. The simple idea that allowing my sadness to exist within me just as she was, without craving her to be gone or taking on the inner criticism that something must be wrong with me…again! NO; not this time. The war has been living within me. The suffering is induced by my resistance against feeling the unwanted, the feelings I label as bad. Mostly the meaning I have given to sadness. Sadness in my life has meant misunderstanding, abandonment, and judgement. It’s no wonder I have put massive amounts of energy into personal development and work toward healing myself, with the hopes and intentions to cure myself of such a disease, like sadness. The miracle is there is no cure. There is only acceptance, presence and being there through everything I feel. I held a little bit more of my wholeness today.

All this time, when sadness or the looming clouds of “here comes depression”, rises within me, I’ve prepared my defenses. I pull out all my “tools”, for when “I’m broken” shows up. And the revolutionary magic is that I need no fixing. I’ve only needed to feel. Let sadness use me as a portal to be expressed; to be acknowledged as a part of me. I realize now that I actually disconnect from myself when I try to deny, fix or take away the sadness.

Too many people, the world I live in, and mostly myself tries to fix me. Why wouldn’t they or I? Not having your shit together and being depressed in my childhood meant you couldn’t be there for people in your life. Unconsciously I created a belief that to avoid this experience in my life, sadness must not be tolerated, which created a lifetime of trying to eradicate myself of issues or “depression”. Sadness was bad and meant I was doing something wrong in my life. So, clearly her showing up so often makes me a hot confusing mess.

I see now, this is not truth. This kept a part of me forbidden. And a part of me not welcome. No wonder I feel exhausted trying to fix what isn’t broken...post continued in comments... #sadnessisokay #selflove #journeywithin #grateful #feelingeverything #human #divine